At least a background check before serving them.
Perhaps institute a system of "Beer Demerits." Puke on the bar, you get a demerit. Walk out without paying a tab because you're so drunk you forgot, two demerits. Get a DUI, 10 demerits. When you accumulate some number, (12 seems a good place to start) you can no longer be served until your number of demerits goes below some other number (3?) You lose one per month. This is tracked on your "drinking license" which you must show and have checked before you can be served.... Okay, maybe not. How many demerits would you have though? I'm clean. :)
Buzz, the only reason you're "clean" is because you've conveniently listed offenses you've never committed. I've seen you drink, and while you're far from being a bad drunk, it's clear you're far from "clean."
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